between Hafiz & the Troubadours, I’m covered

“Remember for just one minute of the day, it would be best to try looking upon yourself more as God does, for She knows your true royal nature.”

This quote from Hafiz is one that could be permanently taped on my forehead; but then I’d have to rely on the mirror of other people to tell me this. Tonight I experienced the Troubadours of Divine Bliss in a more ‘real’ way. I took my laptop to College Hill Coffee Company since I had to finish the lesson plan for the online class first thing tomorrow. I heard several new songs from the Troubadours and got hugs during the break.

It was afterwards, though, that it got real. I got to talk to Renee Ananda more than usual. Guessed her for an air sign, discovered she’s a Gemini. Asked if I could help them pack up the cables and the instruments. “No,” she replied, “You can just talk to me.” It was relaxing and fun. I got to know Randy the mandolin player, too. He shares a love of kirtan and is one of the mellowest Leos I’ve ever met. Aim Me asked how I was doing and heard my concern about the 87 year old in my life with bladder cancer (Mr. G). It wasn’t the conversations so much, the literal words, but the listening and the love.

So when they sang a song inspired by Rumi, one thing led to another and, with the internet at my lap, I turned to the lesser known Hafiz who I’ve come to admire. I hadn’t run across this quote, though. One of those bliss moments that arrive when you least expect it.

Yeah, I needed that reminder.

Being Awake to Changes

Last week, the New Media Circle of Women Writing for (a) Change recorded our own podcast! We shared pieces we had written to the topic “Being Awake to Changes — in our life, at Women Writing for (a) Change, or the world.”

To hear this podcast, visit www.http://podcast.womenwriting.org/

These sort of assignments with deadlines force me to face the laptop screen. I began with an urge to look out the window where I witnessed a squirrel savoring the sweetness of a walnut. S/he had paused from gathering food for the winter to enjoy a taste, take a moment to savor. From the Old French savour, from Latin, saporem “taste, flavor,” savor is a word that transcends literal eating. As examples, I savor my time with this podcasting group and I savor the writing classes I take or teach with this organization that is “so much more than a writing school.”

Something about Fall makes me more reflective than usual. I look at how active my retired life is and have only myself to blame (or credit). Lately I have felt I must take a firm look at all my commitments and set some boundaries. An example: a new friend asking me to go see the film about Amelia Earhart. I didn’t have a time all week that would work. There is something wrong here! (And you might well remark that, if this is my biggest problem late October, my life is good! And you’d be right!)

So I swear I will take the lesson from the squirrel and make time to savor fall, my animal companions, friends, and life in the upcoming months. Perhaps there’s a lesson here for all my readers. Remember the squirrel!

The Geography of Bliss

I recently finished reading Eric Weiner’s book The Geography of Bliss. The subtitle explains more: “One Grump’s Search for the Happiest Places in the World.” Of course, the word ‘bliss’ caught my attention right away. His idea of traveling the world to discern what differences culture, religion, and expectations make intrigued me. After all, this NPR Correspondent would pay the plane fare and do the traveling for us!

He discovered geography does make a difference. Moldova and Qatar I couldn’t wait to get out of (those chapters, that is). Moldovans were, according to the World Database of Happiness, the unhappiest on the planet [yes, there really is such a database: Ruut Veenhoven in The Netherlands]. The people Weiner talked to in this former Soviet Republic claimed it was lack of money that made them unhappy. I couldn’t wait to get through reading that chapter, it brought me down so much. Money wasn’t the main factor at all: the Persian Gulf’s Qatar, where most are rich because their country sits on the world’s third largest reserve of natural gas, disproved that myth about money. Qataris, the author maintains, “possess a strange mix of arrogance and insecurity. What they crave, most of all, is validation.” Their position within the tribe matters more than money or education. Although tribes can be nurturing, it seemed in this “gilded sandbox” that in spite of all their money, Qataris were not happy.

Although I enjoyed being transported back to India (“where happiness and misery live side-by-side”), my favorite learnings were from Bhutan and Thailand. Weiner’s lesson from Thailand was mai pen lai which translates to “never mind.” This lighthearted “don’t worry be happy” encourages one to just let go rather than go insane holding on to an impossible situation. Bhutan’s culture of crazy wisdom, he says, made him lose his bearings “and when that happens a crack forms in your armor. A crack large enough, if you’re lucky, to let in a few shafts of light.” The author meets with a Buddhist Rinpoche who tells him we must be ready for the moment we “cease to exist.” Compassion is what really matters. After all, as the Rinpoche tells him, “You see, everything is a dream. Nothing is real. You will realize that one day.” Then the Rinpoche laughed and returned to his chanting. Weiner’s summary on Bhutan? “In America, few people are happy, but everyone talks about happiness constantly. In Bhutan, most people are happy, but no one talks about it.”

Back in 1973, Bhutan’s King Wangchuk created for his nation the concept of Gross National Happiness. A Bhutanese hotel owner described it this way: GNH means “knowing your limitations; knowing how much is enough.” With Gross National Happiness the official policy of the government of Bhutan, “every decision . . . is viewed through this prism. Will this action we’re about to take increase or decrease the overall happiness of the people?” The U.S. has its Gross Domestic Product, the sum of all goods and services a nation produces. Weiner wisely perceives that our GDP measures oil spills, prison population, the sale of assault rifles and prescription drugs — all these contribute to The Count regardless of merit. He quotes Robert Kennedy as acknowledging that the GDP doesn’t take into account “the beauty of our poetry . . . ,” measuring everything “except that which makes life worthwhile.”

This book makes you think — deeply. Weeks later, I apply it to my life:

* Paying a mortgage by myself makes me unhappy. But when T lived here and shared the bills (this woman I supposedly loved), I wasn’t happy.
* I tire of driving a half hour each way to the east side of town. Lately, I fantasize about moving. But would my small scale change of geography make me happy?
* “Making” is not a part of happiness. It has to do with allowing, letting in, openness. No matter where I live.
* My delivering Meals on Wheels gives me perspective and a chance to practice compassion. Applied compassion. Although some mornings I grumble about leaving my house to deliver those meals, “my people” always give back more. Something less tangible than a bag of food. Appreciation, sincerity, love.
* Sporadically, I suffer from exhaustion. I literally wear myself out. What a sad phrase that is! Do I forget that “doing” never trumps “being”? One of the main lessons of Landmark Education’s intensive workshop, The Landmark Forum, I learn this over and over again. I am still learning.

It seems that bliss can capture you anywhere: you only need to be awake enough to notice, still enough to be aware, and wise enough to follow it.

overwhelmed no more

Of course, I’m fooling myself if I think I’ll never feel overwhelmed again. But this morning when my old reliable Pocket PC bit the dust, I felt a moment of panic: I won’t know what I’m doing! I won’t know what I’ve promised! I’m lost regarding anything having to do with schedules!

And then, peace. The sort of Emptiness that Zen Masters speak of. Wide open space. Wow, I needed that.

I have a clean slate. A new beginning; well, fall always felt like a new year to me, fall equinox, school starting. In fact, most pre-Christian cultures — those going by lunar cycles — have celebrations coming up.

Context: I’d been feeling overwhelmed lately. Even when I had an afternoon or evening free, I’d find myself worrying about what I’d committed to — taking Mr. G to the doctor, when would I work out, what seva was I doing at the Meditation Center, etc. Who’s in charge of my life, after all? Now that I’m doing a/v and communications at the annual Intensive next month, I told the other leaders that overwhelm was my fear. Veena called me from work the other day and asked “Are you feeling overwhelmed today?” Great zen koan.

I know class #3 of the Mastery Class is this Tuesday so I’m taking myself on an artist date to a coffeehouse to write my heart out. It’s not only rainy today but there’s a lovely mist lingering over the creek and woods outside my house. Very dreamlike and inspiring.

On my way home from the coffeehouse, I’m stopping at Staples to pick up an old-fashioned paper scheduler!

“Women Writing, Lives Changing” — with a social justice twist

Next month I’ll once again be teaching an online class with Catherine of Siena Virtual College. This time I have proposed a class for activists. Here is the description:

I see this course as a respite as well as a place of empowerment for those who work in areas of social justice. Too often we feel alone or isolated. In this online course, participants will have safe space to write about their hopes and dreams, share their frustrations, and feel supported by other people working to make this world a better place for all.
Whether you are a community organizer, a volunteer in a group that fights for equality, access for marginalized populations, or envision a better way, you will find a home here. The class will allow each time and space to pause, look, share, and return to her chosen work with renewed vision and energy to continue.

If these words speak to you, consider joining me for a series of Saturday morning sharing through our writing online with women from around the world. For more information, go to: http://www.catherinecollege.net/moodle/mod/resource/view.php?id=428

a plan is born for my croning next spring

If it seems I write about the Troubadours of Divine Bliss every time I hear them in concert, it’s true. Of course, I’ve only heard them three times and tonight was the third. My friendly ex Janice and I went to York Street Cafe to hear Aim Me, Renee Ananda and ‘Mando’ Rando play a few sets to a sparse crowd.

You don’t know what you’re missing or you’d have been there.

I love them! They spread joy and make you feel good about life. They’ve got great harmonies — and did I mention there’s wonderful mandolin playing by Randy who just had a birthday?

During one of their songs, it hit me. I figured out the missing piece that would make my croning complete — the Troubadours themselves. I will hire them to play their music and spread bliss as my gift to my friends. I figured this would be way too much information to discuss after the show so I wrote a note to Aim Me. Meanwhile, I hadn’t even gotten to talk or get a hug from Renee Ananda all evening so I followed her and started blurting it all out. I said “I hope you don’t think I’m stalking you!” and she replied something to the effect, “Oh, stalk us; we love being stalked.”

They can’t believe I’m 60 and, well, neither can I. Actually, I’m still a mere 59. But I figure 60 is a great age for a Croning: I will be honored as a wise elder in a circle of loved ones. Although my birthday is in February, that’s a crappy month to be outside (I’m not a skier) but, by May, flowers are blooming and everything has come alive. And, if everything works out according to the plan born during their concert tonight, it will be a great celebration!

gratitude

I’ve been AWOL from my blog for a few weeks. I had a head cold for two weeks and realized, finally, that I needed to quit fighting it and allow myself to rest. The first thing I am grateful for is that it was just a cold and not allergies.

The second thing I’m grateful for is that I got to teach two classes this summer. One was an in person class at Women Writing for (a) Change. I taught the Wednesday morning summer class in our building in ‘the heart of Silverton.’ Of the twelve women, six were brand new to WWfaC. What a privilege to turn them on to the processes of this community. The other class was an online class through Catherine of Siena Virtual College. Ten women from all over the world gathered six Saturday mornings (EST) and shared fastwrites and readbacks. Amazing! Did I mention? I got paid, too! This summer proved the saying ‘Do what you love and the money will follow.’

I am also grateful for these past few days when we’ve had a glimpse of my favorite season — Fall. I have made excuses to be outside to feel the breezes. Life just feels good! I hope it does for you as well, dear readers!

ambassadors of bliss

I met up with some friends at the Dilly Deli in Mariemont last Thursday. We had some great conversation but there was a reason I gathered us there: the Troubadours of Divine Bliss were playing!

Aime Me (acoustic guitar) and Renee (accordion) are two of the most talented women and musicians I’ve heard — and I’ve heard many over the decades. They are also very, very special people. I could tell this from the first time I heard them at College Hill Coffee Co. back in May [see May 31st blog post for details].

How can I tell they are special human beings? From the way they interacted with me right from the beginning. They look you in the eye and listen. They empathize. They laugh. They enjoy the conversation and interaction with you. It’s not just about being kind to a fan; it’s communicating on a deeper level.

When I went over to say goodbye after their concert at Dilly Deli, I joked about being their Cincinnati manager. “Volunteer!” I quickly added. Aim Me had a sparkle in her eyes. She gave me a name I felt I’d been searching for for some time: ambassador of bliss. She said she’d have to give me an ambassador of bliss badge. These two are about bliss. On their website and cd covers, they quote Rumi and Hafiz. These bliss masters remind us of what Life is Really About: love and well, bliss. For me, bliss is Oneness, bliss is being open to others and accepting them for who they are. Bliss is radiating your inner self and living your spirituality.

I felt such a connection with Aim Me in particular. I said “See you in September” and turned to go. I can’t remember now quite how it played out but somehow, Aim Me made a motion and I went back and we hugged again. We have a connection and it’s not just some groupie crush. She knows I genuinely love them and their music. I love how I feel in their presence. This is raising the spirit in a blissful way. I am glad to be an ambassador of bliss with and for The Troubadours.

Together 30 years! — against all odds

Congratulations to Carolyn and Crystal! These friends left Cincinnati decades ago to build a place in the country outside Athens, Ohio. Their relationship survived harsh winters, racism (Crystal is black), homophobia, two children, and lots of animals. My good friend Victoria and I drove there Saturday night for their celebration.

Even though they’d been emailed that we were planning to attend, it was worth the drive to see Carolyn’s face light up when she saw me. We shared a great hug and pulled back to look at one another: although we were both over a decade older, our faces were the same (funny how that is). She and Crystal looked great; you would never know they’re in their fifties.

The dinner was gourmet potluck, outstanding. Too bad I ended up with a queasy stomach and couldn’t enjoy it all more. I may have overdone with the grande latte on the way in. Vic and I had some good conversation with a woman sitting at the same table — it turned out she is Crystal’s massage therapist. We watched the giant slide show on the wall of Carolyn and Crystal through the years. There were one or two of me from the DINAH lesbian magazine years when I worked on this journalistic labor of love with Carolyn.

Then people began dancing. Vic and I knew later that we should have got up to dance to Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” because we are so picky about our first dance among strangers! But we didn’t and then the dance numbers were not so much to our liking. I drank Diet Coke, hoping my stomach would settle. It did but then we two old ladies felt we’d better hit the road for the return trip to Cincinnati.

The sadness of saying goodbye was eased because we are so psyched to go back and reminisce when it’s not so wild! We may even bring the videorecorder and capture Carolyn and Crystal tales for the Ohio Lesbian Archives.

Until then, our 24 hour whirlwind trip is a sweet memory.

kuan yin/morning yoga

Today I got it right. I took my time drinking coffee and waking up. I awoke with a clear decision about some financial matters and felt good about that. My body felt stiff, as usual, and I thought: time for ‘yoga’ !

So I took my mat out on the deck and saluted the sun. My body automatically went into prostrations. These are the kind I used to do when I was with the Kwan Um School of Zen. I decided 27 bows since I knew I wasn’t up to 108. I plan to work my way up to that!

You see, I will be quitting the Y and only taking the yoga class. While the weather is nice, I can do hatha yoga, walk at Farbach Werner park and on my road. The money I save this way will go toward food (yes, let’s keep it basic!).

While stretching and doing yoga on my deck, I played a compilation of songs and chants to Kuan Yin. My friend Eileen had given this to me awhile back. It was the perfect choice. At some point, I felt so great — the Universe was good and so was my life. I was in the right place at the right time. I was One and not separate. Everything will be okay. Yes, more mornings like this is my intention.