waking in the middle of the night

It happens sometimes when I awake at 3:00 a.m., 4:00, 5:00.

I can’t breathe.

Well, I can but it feels like my breath is tight and my nose plugged. Maybe that’s all it really is but I think there’s more.

It happens after the end of a relationship. I mean, a big R Relationship. Feeling as if I can’t breathe happened after Ann, now after Judy. I feel alone in a bad way and anxious. It’s a dark middle of the night thing. In the past I sometimes pulled a Pema Chodron book from the shelf and read her to be reminded of the basic human condition. Sometimes I would sit and meditate it away. I refuse to medicate it away. I realize Being With What Is is the true reality. Better to face these demons sooner than later.

3 responses to “waking in the middle of the night

  1. Classic symptoms of panic attack. I know how it is. I have lived with this condition for months. It is good to get into pranayama, yoga, meditation, exercise, writing regime. Unfortunately writing cannot fill vacuum in heart but it may ease it. Chat me when you feel the need.

  2. Fill the vacuum but it may ease the pain.

  3. i had one really big one-thought it was a heart attack, layed in my car for 2 and half hours, got acupuncture and never came back. let me know if you need some. i practice on friends and family

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