It happens sometimes when I awake at 3:00 a.m., 4:00, 5:00.
I can’t breathe.
Well, I can but it feels like my breath is tight and my nose plugged. Maybe that’s all it really is but I think there’s more.
It happens after the end of a relationship. I mean, a big R Relationship. Feeling as if I can’t breathe happened after Ann, now after Judy. I feel alone in a bad way and anxious. It’s a dark middle of the night thing. In the past I sometimes pulled a Pema Chodron book from the shelf and read her to be reminded of the basic human condition. Sometimes I would sit and meditate it away. I refuse to medicate it away. I realize Being With What Is is the true reality. Better to face these demons sooner than later.