New Year’s Eve

This time of year has been hard for me. Not 2016 in particular but beginning with Christmas through New Year’s Eve. I usually breathe a sigh of relief when all this is over.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have a family–children, I mean–and am not in the majority, i.e., in a heterosexual couple, “normal,” if you will. I’ve been an Other most of my life. In the ’70s and ’80s I reveled in it, demonstrating and proclaiming words like liberation and patriarchy. In the ’90s I bought my first house with another woman. We were a couple for seven years and remain friends to this day. No kids, though, just a dog and two cats. I felt welcome in my neighborhood Northside, the up and coming urban and gritty gayborhood.

Now I’m retired and live on a road that used to be country (there’s a horse and a cow half a mile away!) but is turning suburban. I love my acre and creek and privacy among the trees. I live alone if you don’t count two dogs and two cats.

Yet I make it a point to invite women writer friends to my backyard deck. We toast our imagination and friendship and this is good. They are consciously chosen family, many of them. We share deep reflections and cry and laugh together. Some of us are crafting poems, others hope to write a Great American Novel. I love facilitating these classes and getting to know them so well.

It is morning on New Year’s Eve. What is it about it that so often has filled me with dread? I think it was those early years of drinking and drug experimenting. Being at parties with strangers. For much of my life I have known I felt separate. In recent decades I have worked on this: through Landmark Education, through zen meditation, through Siddha Yoga. Connection had become my mantra.

And this is good. I have chosen to focus on what unites us as people rather than separates. Certainly 2017 will not be easy with a President I abhor. I am disheartened to say the least. But a few relatives I love voted for DT and I still love them. Who said politics is ever easy? Who said life and loving comes easy?

This evening I will spend quietly in front of my fireplace with a new love who came to me in the spring. We have had a tough beginning, parting and coming back together. I do not take a moment for granted! I feel loved and this is the best wish I could wish for on New Year’s Eve.

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2 responses to “New Year’s Eve

  1. Dear Phebe,
    I am listening to the aloneness and feeling alone with you. I hear the water behind your home tinkling and splashing. I feel the eyes of all the goddesses in your guest room, guarding the life of the kitty who lives there and all who come to share their sacred space. I see the extensive, almost intimidating library you have acquired, collecting feminist writings and know your head must be full of all their ideas and ideals.
    I feel the soft fur of your kitties and the enthusiasm of your dogs as they greet whomever they have decided, for long enough to catch their breath, is not a threat. I smell the fresh air on your patio. I taste your amazing cooking, and just remembering, I know these images will stay with me forever.
    I look at your writing and remember your skill and gentleness as a teacher. I hope one day I can write with your depth and breadth of knowledge, and share my own skills as tenderly and professionally as you do.
    I love that you do blogging, as I hope to do soon also.
    Blessed be.
    Tammy

  2. dear Tammy, I have answered you several times but, evidently, only in my mind! Sorry that it took until September to publicly thank you for this amazing description of my home. Blessings for your compliments re my teaching-facilitating! You are a deep person, intuitive and sweet. I do hope you blog soon and let us all know so we can follow you even as you are 100 miles away. Take care and, again, thank you. Phebe

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